Boy and Computers - Our 21st-Century Dilemma

This is a post that I’ve been meaning to write for a long time - probably for four years or more — and it’s about computer use, particular when homeschooling boys.

We all recognize there’s a problem. It may not be your child, but you know that Facebook is full of moms (and it’s almost always moms) who write SOS messages about their child’s obsessive focus on some kind of screen, be it tv, computer, laptop, tablet, or gaming device.

I know all about this. I’ve been there … in spades!

When my eldest son, who is now 14, was about ten years old, we went through a period where he was exhausted all the time. We soon learned that it was because he was setting his alarm for 2 am so he could sneak down and play Minecraft all night.

Little Boys and their Games

Ever since then, I have been a loud voice on the internet for vigilance and caution when it comes to screens. I have read just about every book there is on the subject. Some titles that come to mind are Boys Adrift, Wired Child, several titles by Michael Gurian, and numerous scientific studies where changes in white and gray matter in brain scans make for some very uncomfortable reading.

Further, we had an au pair for a season when my children were younger, a Spanish student who was improving her English in order to start graduate studies in optometry (where all the reference books are written in English). She stressed to me almost daily that children need to limit their screen time for the sake of their far vision. Numerous studies backed up her assertions: myopia is on the rise because kids don’t get outside enough and flex those far-vision muscles.

Even with all my research and my vigiliance, I’m still struggling to keep my boy off screens. One reason is that he clearly is a “technopath” (a term borrowed from the delightful super-hero film called “Sky High”). Honestly, if your computer is acting up, he’ll come over and hug it, and it will work again!

He even took an MIT course about computer coding when he was 12, and received an A.

It’s tough. What to do? He’s good at this! 

Got a problem? Let me fix it!

I posed this question to Richard Freed, the psychologist who wrote Wired Child. He said to me in a private email that children need to have screens limited in their young lives for a whole host of reasons. He suggested to me that I have my son pursue a broad-ranged academic path of study rather than focus too much on technology itself, and to ensure that any computer use is productive rather than simply gaming, with an emphasis, perhaps, on coding. He added:

• “Future tech use will continue to pose risks of addiction as your son has already been there, and because it makes it harder for kids to use tech productively as they get older.” (private correspondence)

All these years of concern and suspicion came to a head this week. He was supposedly doing his homework for an online class, but he was acting especially secretive when his siblings were walking into the room, so I decided to secretly film him. The 35-minute video was very telling.

As I thought: it was 25 minutes of swapping between windows - Reddit social media threads, pop-up windows of games, notifications from his buddies on Steam, chat boards with classmates - and, mixed among these numerous and frequent distractions, he probably managed ten minutes of reading an online summary of his book and re-wording it for his assignment.

Thirty-five minutes of screen time where five, at most, was productive. (Although I would argue that even that five minutes was also unproductive because he read a summary instead of the book - since I teach this class, I can tell you that the teacher is MOST UNIMPRESSED!)

So you know what happened, don’t you? Time for confrontation.

"I'm comin' after you, Boy!"

But here’s where things go a different path than you probably expect. A fourteen-year-old is a much different animal to a ten-year-old, and he actually stated his case. 

Sure, he says — summary and not book? Bad. Sorry. Swapping back and forth between work and play? Could do better. 

However, he notes that he swims up to 2 1/2 hours every day for swim team; he contributes to jobs around the house like mowing the lawn. That day, he had cooked lunch for everyone; walked the dogs with me; wanted to go on a bike ride to the shops but I said he couldn’t (not exactly what I said, but the bottom line is the same - I talked him out of it); he had showered and played guitar and helped my younger son fix something on the computer game he was being allowed to play, and that night, he was going to his friend’s house for a night of socializing. He had even done some of his homework even though it was Spring Break.

In the course of a normal week, he went on, he had youth group one night, a leadership class every other week, a 3-hour slot for volunteering in the library, an academic co-op, Trail Life (a group like Boy Scouts), and church. He had spent the weekend camping. In the pouring rain.

"I'm really a sensible guy."

Where in there, he asked me, was his life not well-rounded?

Suddenly, I felt a bit foolish.

So I have re-evaluated what it is that I’m so concerned about, because I still have an uneasiness about the length of time he’s on the computer, especially if it’s going to be lop-sided against his academic things. 

I’ve boiled it down to this: I would like more reading from a hard copy of a book and more writing by hand. I think these are media and skills he still needs to cultivate, and I realize that to be reasonable, I’ll have to give him a check-list of exactly what and for how long. We can both measure the progress then, and I won’t have a leg to stand on after that. 

Further, I still feel he needs to limit the time he’s looking at a brightly lit screen. if we could negotiate no more than 2 hours on the screen a day, plus some time for him to do social media on his wifi-only smart phone, and no screens at all between 9 pm at night and 9 am in the morning, then I think I would be fully satisfied that his life was balanced.

Judging from our reasoned conversation this week, I have every confidence that we’ll come to this mutually acceptable arrangement, and we will have both moved forward in our relationship, especially in terms of honoring each other.

Most of all, I've learned something really important: this teen-parenting stuff isn't all bad.

My lovable teen!

The New Look of Narration

Following the Charlotte Mason method as I do, we are always reviewing our reading and studies for the day by using a technique called narration.  In simple terms, this is just "telling back" what we've just read, and is undoubtedly a brilliant way of remembering information: much better than fill-in-the-blank, or short answer, or even asking kids questions and having them respond.

Narration is telling back what you've just read.

(As an aside, I recently did a test of its effectiveness by narrating some of my own reading to myself by writing down summaries, versus just carrying on without reviewing after I'd read. My memory and understanding of the material I narrated was far superior to that which I didn't narrate, and I still remember now the things I summarized, but not the things I didn't!)

Today's task was based on the Chemistry and Physics book, new from Apologia Science, in which we have been studying matter, and more recently, different properties of gold and iron pyrite such as magnetism, hardness, smell, and reactions to chemicals.

Using a graduated cylinder to observe volume.

We narrated this yesterday by discussion, but today, Killer has gone one step further and made a Pivot video. I think he won't be forgetting this science lesson in a long time!

Hope you enjoy!

Check out "Scratch"

"Scratch" is a programming language for everyone to enjoy -- free to download and developed by the Lifelong Kindergarten Group at MIT Media Lab.

In a downloadable paper by Peppler and Kafai, you can see the argument for that "learning the language of creative coding is essential to expression in a digital medium."

In other words, it's not just about viewing or playing the games, but constructing them oneself through coding that make essential connections to art expression.

Anyway, why not?  It's cool and it's free.

Why do (most) boys hate writing?

One of the most common complaints I hear from parents about boys -- whether they're home educated or at schools -- is that they don't want to write anything.

Why do (most) boys hate to write so much?

The short answer is that boys develop later in that area of the brain. In fact, research has shown than girls' brains develop in the region of language and fine motor skills about six years earlier than boys!  On the flip side, boys develop their spatial memory areas about four years earlier than girls.

Unfortunately, our expectations as educators are geared more toward writing than spatial memory, and so the boys get labeled or pushed too hard too early.

 Is it any wonder they can develop a hang-up about writing?

Logic states, therefore, that boys should be allowed to develop more slowly in this area, and in the meantime, be provided with opportunities and strategies that can help them achieve as writers at their level!

Here are a few ideas based on experience with my own boys, aged 3 and 8:

• Use the computer.  Because boys develop earlier in their spatial skills than their literacy skills, they might find it easier to write using a keyboard than trying to form letters with a pencil.  Further, writing on a word processor is less permanent and easier to correct, so boys needn't be too worried about mistakes (and who hasn't had to deal with a tantrum when something didn't work out just so??!!).  An ICT educator recently told me that the schools in her district were going to explore this link in a bid to improve boys' literacy, so it's an idea that seems to be gathering some momentum.
• Handwriting practice.  "Killer" has rejected most handwriting programmes, some with violence and/or chucking books into the rubbish bin.  Getty-Dubay italic book A was thrown across the room.  Draw, Write, Now has the right idea -- drawing pictures and writing a two sentence caption underneath.  Unfortunately, that was still too many words as far as Killer was concerned, so I got many well-drawn pictures and no writing.  Our success story has been Write from the Start by Teodorescu -- a handwriting programme that's more about connecting dots, drawing circles around triangles, and practising curves.  Killer and Timmy both get their respective books out in their spare time.  You might ask if a handwriting programme is necessary at all, and I would probably say it isn't; however, the Teodorescu book allows us to tick that box without ticking each other off.
• Let him dictate. We're eclectic homeschoolers who err on the side of Charlotte Mason method, so I check on the children's comprehension of our reading materials by getting them to "narrate", or tell back, what I've just read.  This is primarily oral narration from the age of 7-11, or until a child is fluent enough in writing that his/her skills in handwriting won't disadvantage the thoughts making it to the page.  Phoenix, for example, is capable of writing her own narration.  Killer, on the other hand, will dictate his narration to me, which allows me to save some of his work on paper without coming to blows about the way in which that work gets processed.
• Copywork. This is another hallmark of the Charlotte Mason method.  Some might argue it's an unnecessary battle, but I like how it helps a child learn well-written sentences, good vocabulary, and complicated spelling, in a natural way.  Any Charlotte Mason book or website will tell you more about it, but here's an example.  My advice when it comes to boys? Keep it short.  Keep it large.  Offer a reward such as some computer time when he completes this along with three or four other topics, or break up the writing skills with a game, some dancing, some outdoor play.  

• Use movable alphabets.  These are individual letters cut out of thick card, usually with the vowels in blue and the consonants in red.  They're excellent for training young children to read, but also useful for the reluctant boy to practise spelling and writing without having to use fine motor skills which he may find difficult still.  Here is an article about using movable alphabets, and also a very good Montessori book about teaching reading and writing which includes more detail and exercises for the younger child.
• Diagram, or draw first.  If you think about it, this is common sense.  In their shoes, you would want to draw something with a great deal of detail and action and excitement, everything happening at once, rather than write a word-by-word, sentence-by-sentence explanation.  Think map rather than a list of directions and you may see what I mean. 
• Read Michael Gurian's book "The Mind of Boys" for more excellent tips and the science behind them.

The bottom line is that we're wrong when we think boys aren't that good at writing.  They certainly *can* be good at writing, but maybe not when we want them to be.   It's a matter of being patient with them.  Remember, Charlotte Mason, the Victorian educator and theorist, didn't have her children write their narrations till they were at least 11.  

Perhaps we shouldn't either.

The Boy and his Computer, or 5 ways to protect him from electronic danger

What is it with boys and computers, eh?  I mean, sure girls will play computer games, too, but research shows that fewer girls than boys display addictive behaviour when it comes to gaming, and it all seems to come down to the way their brains are wired.

An article called Boys and Video Games: A Natural Attraction? reports the fact that three brain structures -- the nucleus accumbens, amygdala, and orbitofrontal cortex -- were stimulated more in the male brain than the female during a controlled test of reactions to computer gaming.


These three areas of the brain matter when one looks at their functions.  The first, the nucleus accumbens, is the region involved in motivation and reward, feelings, and drug addiction   The second, the amygdala, are a pair of regions in the temporal lobe (located toward the bottom of the brain near the ears) and are linked to emotions and aggression, and more importantly for this post, to forming patterns related to learned addictive behaviour. The final region, abbreviated as OFC, can be found in the frontal lobe of the brain and has been implicated in a variety of psychiatric and neurological conditions including anxiety, mood, and addictive disorders.


Three regions, three mentions of addiction.  


Further research shows a connection between gaming and addiction.  Harris Interactive reports that, in a study done in 2007, 31% of boys felt addicted (compare with only 11% girls).  Nearly half of all respondents thought they had a friend who was addicted.


What are the symptoms of video-gaming addiction?  

• a sense of euphoria when playing; 
• excessive game play and thoughts about gaming; 
• neglecting family, friends, and school or work; 
• physical symptoms such as migraines, weight gain, and sleep disturbances.

Notice that these symptoms aren't just about playing games a lot.  They are very deep changes that affect the child's life and relationships.  Lack of motivation, withdrawal from family, failure to engage in normal living activities like eating, hygiene, chores. Worryingly, doctors have noted that one out of ten youth gamers showed enough symptoms of damage to their school, family, and psychological functioning to merit serious concern (see Harris Interactive article above).

So what can we do? Well, like so many of these sorts of things, it's probably more a case of balance and common sense than expertise.  Here are my top 5 suggestions, gleaned from a quick trawl on the internet and putting my own thoughts to it:

1. Set time limits. The general consensus is that you should set time limits, but that you will probably want to discuss them with your child so he knows you're being fair and logical. Different games probably get different limits: some sports games, for example, could reasonably be completed in fifteen minutes, while an action-adventure quest will, even after a generous allowance of a half-hour or an hour, need to be abandoned, saved, and returned to another day.  Just remember that the final decision should be yours, and that you need to monitor that the limits are adhered to, or else the limits might become meaningless.
2. Set location limits. Experts seem as one voice on this: no computer in a child's bedroom.  The media must be monitored for his safety and his sanity.  However, I personally don't think this goes far enough.  I say, get the computer out of the heart of the home -- otherwise, it's too much temptation for everyone, and I'm speaking from experience.  Recently, we've had to move the computer into our schoolroom while remodeling takes place.  That means it's right in the middle of all our activities.  I've noticed that, since the computer has been placed here, I'm no longer checking e-mails just once a day (or should I say, late in the evening, after the kids have gone to bed), but now it's more like every hour, just because it's so accessible. I also notice how much more I'm being nagged for computer time (and with four kids, that's a lot of nagging!).
3. Set genre limits. What I mean by this is that you choose carefully the games that are being played.  Some games are more addictive than others.  Those that create a community and require long periods of time to play them are the most dangerous: that includes Warhammer, World of Warcraft, and the like.  I'm not saying don't let them play them, but I am saying that they contain more addicting elements, so if your child hasn't entered that world yet, perhaps you should encourage more stand-alone games, educational stuff, or even games that can be played in pairs.  And if your child has joined Warhammer, et al?  It's time to be especially vigilant.
4. Change the scenery.  If it's getting too much, then leave the media frenzy behind entirely and go on holiday, or at least, out of the house for a walk.
5. Get a life (err, I mean, a hobby).  When I was at university, I noticed a lot of my friends were addicted to watching soap operas on t.v.  I didn't have time to do that, because I played basketball for the varsity team and my life centred around classes, studying, and practising.  I'm not advocating that kind of commitment for your child, but I am suggesting that having few or no outside interests will fail to provide an alternative to the lure of the computer.

Get outside if it's all too much

I want to end this blog post with a request: one of my favourite authors about boy-things, Michael Gurian, has a new book out called The Purpose of Boys (just released in paperback) in which seven pages are dedicated to exactly this topic, boys and the media.  In the UK, the book is due out in a couple weeks' time, so I'm not able to avail myself of the treasures within just yet.  It's certainly on my wishlist, but in the meantime, maybe someone in the US has read it already and can let me know the gist of what it says!