Bicycling with Teens -- Why is Homeschooling Them so Hard?

When it comes to homeschooling teens, I’ve come to think it’s the same as riding a bicycle. However, I don’t mean that in terms of never forgetting how to do it. 

Instead, it’s like those pivotal moments in a child’s life at 6 or 7 or 8 when the training wheels come off but the rider is still unsteady.  Do you hold on? Do you let go?

Sometimes, I just don’t know.

What should I do???

I’ve been homeschooling four children for nearly thirteen years, but it’s just now that I realize that homeschooling teenagers is hard.

I don’t mean hard because the level of work is hard. After all, I’m an experienced secondary teacher, so I’ve educated teenagers before. I’ve run more than four different youth groups in the past twenty years, so I’ve mentored teens before.

I mean, for goodness’ sake, I even WAS a teenager, once upon a time! I know they can be hormonal and fickle, over-tired and grumpy.

So why am I finding it so hard as my own daughter creeps toward 16 1/2 years old? Because it has just hit me: 

SHE … IS … NEARLY … GROWN … UP.

Arghghgh! 

Blooming before my eyes!

Yes, yes, yes … I know that we never stop learning, we never stop growing, and that even when she leaves home for college or work or whatever, we’ll still be connected. My own mom and I are closer than we’ve ever been, so I’m not afraid of losing her once she packs that bag and heads out the door.

But it is hard. The time frame, for example.  In just a few years, she will be DONE with homeschool. My chance to guide her and share her studies and explore what she explores is nearly over.

It is hard. The choices — OH, the choices!!! Whether SATs, or AP classes, CLEP or honors courses, online MOOCs or dual-enrollment, or bog-standard curriculum and our beloved Charlotte Mason approach to our studies. I’m sure I haven’t even touched on all the options, so I’m trying to stay true to our family mission: love to learn and learn to love.

Our Motto: Love to Learn and Learn to Love

But you know what makes it hardest? She is starting down the path of being dogged and determined about the vision she has for her own life. She is wanting to put her stamp on things - create her own narrative - and it’s causing friction between us that’s never been there before.

It’s not altogether a bad place to be. Standing back and watching her, I know that it’s the start of a really good phase. Like riding a bike, she has told me to take off the training wheels and give her a push. But if I let go and she falls, then I’ll be blamed for letting go, even if she asked me to do so.

So homeschooling teens is like riding a bike. I provided her with the best one I can afford in terms of time and money, and now I have to let her ride away on it under her own power, on her own path, steering her own course.

A Path of Her Choosing

And I’ll watch her from the side lines, with tears of pride in my eyes.

My Purple Space, or How I Find Quiet Time When Homeschooling

It's one of the frequently asked question by newbie homeschoolers, or people thinking about taking on the responsibility/fun/adventure of doing so: How do you find time for yourself if the kids are around all day?

Here's my thoughts about finding time/space for just such moments: I call it my "purple space".

The colour for the stage of my life right now is characterised by the color purple.  Not like "Color Purple" of Alice Walker's novel of that name, though by the end of this post, you may think there are analogies between the two concepts.

My purple is literally the color. I color-code my belongings. My iPhone case, my Bible, Kindle cover, MP3 player and its case, the shell on my laptop, my water bottles, and even my eyeglasses, are all purple.*

These are a few of my favorite (purple) things

I am purple in our household because it's noticeable at the bottom of my bottomless handbag, but it's not flashy. I'm purple because it's sometimes the cheapest option. I'm purple because it suggests authority and royalty while also being a cool, calming color, and even feminine in an "I'm-not-pink" kind of way.

I am purple because I'm a mother of four homeschooled children who know few boundaries -- life is an adventure, to be explored, used, often discarded. The home is their classroom, laboratory, refuge, and headquarters. My purple things are marked out as though my signature were on them -- "These are NOT part of the curriculum!"

I have never seen the children borrow, use, or sneak the purple things -- the purple code is inviolate without my having to ever spell it out for them.

I think there's a life lesson in this; to ponder over. Carving out the purple spaces in my life are just as important as buying my pens in purple ink, so I know they will be found in the pen pot on my desk when I need to write something down.

For me, that's 9:30-10 am every morning most mornings. I have completed my shower, dressing, teeth brushing; put on a load of laundry; fed the dog; poured my coffee and made my two peanut-butter-cracker sandwiches. I close the door as the children go through their long-established morning routines, and take my time out of the day.

The Celtic Daily Prayer book I use reminds me of whom I am -- loved and gifted for some spiritually greater service, but dependent on God for that identity, that mission. I'm reminded to praise Him, thank Him, honor Him. I'm reminded to be "lowly and meek, yet all powerful" (from the Celtic benediction) -- thus, to use my words for giving life and encouragement, and to view all people as God's creations, whether or not they acknowledge it themselves.

Centered, refreshed, still: for just a few moments, I am in my purple bubble.

Then at 10 am, I set aside my purple pen, close my purple Bible, and take my purple peace with me into the technicolor world.

*My husband said that I should clarify that purple is NOT simply my favorite color -- that award goes to very bright, spring green.

Time To Start A New Year 2013

I'm finally out of summertime holiday mode, and back into school preparation.  I've just about managed to put away all the camping gear, newly washed clothes, and seventeen packets of cup-o-soup, but now I have to tackle THE SCHOOL ROOM.

Out go all the books about medieval history, and in come those about the Renaissance.

Out go the papers, books, scrap books, and exercise books from our work last year, and in come the new folders, binders, composition books, pens, paper, glue, scissors, and boxes of crayons.

What a mess in the meantime!

Out with the old, in with the New

But wait?  What's this?  You mean, things aren't as chaotic as they first seem?

Guess who's got a new label maker?

My hope is that more books on display in neat categories might encourage more browsing . Still not sure what I'll put in the drawers at the bottom.  These used to have activities and crafts, most of which the kids have outgrown.  They might be a perfect place for the art supplies that currently live in the utility room, but I sure hope they don't encourage Rocky to paint on the carpet again!

Meanwhile, here is a very exciting book shelf:

CM Live Middle Ages Core Texts

These are the core texts for the CM Live Middle Ages course which I teach, and which Killer is going to take this year. I'm very proud of him.  Most students don't read these books till they're in college, and Killer is only 10! (I may have to carve out time to read them with him, though)

Finally, tidying up got delayed when I was inspired to work on our daily schedules.  About three hours later, I had finished the first draft of Phoenix's schedule: 

A Year 8 Schedule based on Ambleside Online

Phoenix is my eldest, and a natural scholar. Her brothers and sister will have shorter schedules than this, though they will be almost identical up until lunchtime. 

This one is heavy on the humanities, especially geography, because that's Phoenix's personal forte. I printed it out, but haven't edited it -- so, who knows if all the timings add up!

Roll on September 9th, when we officially start.

Winning the Clutter Battle, Part 1

Recently, I read the most amazing book for homeschoolers by Barbara Rockett called Homeschooling at the Speed of Life. 

She had many excellent points, but the main one that stuck with me was that people are more important than things, and if things are getting in the way of your relationships, then you really must do something about the things!

So, convicted deeply, I decided step one would be to sort out the very first room in my house: the porch.  With four children and a husband who never gets rid of shoes, regardless how hole-y they are, I had a serious clutter problem there.

These aren't actually my shoes, but it gives you the idea!

We were using the tall Trofast buckets you get at Ikea, one for each child, and a row of 4 hooks for their jackets.  However, as the children grew bigger and bigger, their jackets draped over the youngest one's shoe bucket, thus covering it up.  To get to his shoes, he would toss the jackets on the floor. They would get trampled, tossed into another corner or behind a different bucket, or buried under someone else's shoes in a different bucket.

Basically, the system (system?? ha-ha) wasn't working.

And this doesn't even touch on the melee when we had our fortnightly co-op and 14 other children plus 6 other parents show up on our doorstep.


After hours of research on the web in trying to find the right solution (and a solution that fit the dimensions of space we had!), I settled on these plastic cupboards.

They're designed for use in the garden as extra utility sheds. Many people who have reviewed them complain that they're not waterproof, but since I'm using them indoors, I don't mind about that.

Best of all, they snap together in only a few minutes (on average -- the first one took us about an hour, and the second, about 6 minutes!).

I found them at a shop called ShedStore in the UK, but if you're looking for them elsewhere, they're called Chaselink Large Utility cabinets.  Their reviews are really good, and after looking at many, many items that had BAD reviews, I would warn you off buying imitators.

I realise that we'll still have the problem of 20 extra pairs of shoes next Monday, but now I have four empty Trofast buckets which should do the trick!